Now I know I promised an answer to this almost universal truth and mind bender weeks ago. Sorry. I had to do some research and then I discovered it’s a long answer. Again, sorry.
While quizzing males I got a variety of answers from “Because thongs are just awesome.” to “’Cause men are already romantic and shit so we don’t need Jane Austen.”
So I averaged the difference, carried the one and found the closest possible denominator – exposure.
In other words… Men love the female body, but like to keep the female mind a mystery.
Thongs (whether you, as a female, look best in them or not) expose the most skin possible while still wearing underwear. Jane Austen, and particularly Jane Austen movies, expose only slight amounts of décolletage. AKA there is very little flesh in Jane Austen.
In contrast thongs tell you very little about the state of a female's mind or her personality. I know judges and strippers who wear thongs – seemingly different mindset though both just.
But Jane Austen can tell you a lot about the female mind, and sexual politics (yes, even modern sexual politics). Without having read Jane many men like to believe Austen is simply about the stereotypical pursuit of a husband. Yes, she uses matchmaking often as a plot point but most of the books are actually about maintaining independence and force of will though you were required by society to pair up. The books were written during a time when a woman was completely defined by the man she married. As a female in the Georgian era you faced the brutal choice (if you had a choice at all) of whether to keep your independence and name but face possible poverty, marry someone you didn’t love for security, or find a love match no matter the consequences (rare). Many of Austen’s characters resist or are reluctant to marry, and in that we discover their dreams and aspirations - what they are and are not willing to give up.
So in conclusion, heterosexual men love exposure of the female body but are uncomfortable with some of the clockwork of the female mind. Which = Thongs > Jane Austen in the male mind. It's cool. I get it. Kinda. The unknown is scary.
Finally, I would like to add that I am completely and utterly biased. I love Jane Austen. I didn’t always love her. In the 8th grade I called Pride and Prejudice the most boring book ever composed. But then one day I actually read it, read between the lines, and got the jokes. Jane is hilarious. One of the greatest comedy writers of all time. She was funny while making a case for our sex.
As for my opinion of thongs… Well… Some things are best left to the imagination.
*Defined as lots of straight men. Many of my homosexual male friends have severe love for the Jane and asked to be distinguished from this group.
Next week we’ll address a more topical question for this blog:
What is the lamest thing about volunteering? And how do we fix it.